Deepak! Deepak! Camera's over here! Look here! Here! Oh forget it...
A note for the litigiously minded:
This is a work of parody. No one here is saying Deepak Chopra actually was offered Everybody Poops. No one’s saying these would be his words if he got the book (although honestly, I suspect I’m close). I’m not even saying Deepak definitely exists. If any of this is unclear to you as you read this blog, might I humbly suggest you stop being so litigious before you’re able to be literate? And if Mr. Chopra (who may/may not exist) happens upon this post and gets excited about his changes to Everybody Poops, I apologize. It was never my intention to toy with him like that.
The makers of that classic tome Everybody Poops decided about half a year ago that their work required an update, and after an extensive author search, they decided to go with Deepak Chopra, the endocrinologist turned quantum mystic. Unfortunately, when combined with lecture tours and other book projects and furthering our understanding of how the spooky behavior of electrons implies that our consciousness can bend the cosmos; Mr. Chopra was too busy to write the book himself. So he got a ghostwriter. You know who that was? Me. Sorry for not giving you much time to guess.
It’s been an enlightening experience, writing for Deepak. He has, of course, supervised every step of the way. “It’s my name on the cover!” as he’s said to me a bajillion times. It’s been good to have him there, especially because, at the beginning, I didn’t really know how to capture his voice. To really get him right, I downloaded his audio book, Creating Affluence. It’s taught me so much. Including the fact that, far from illegally downloading the files, my consciousness reached into the universe and created a quantum reality where the book was already in my computer.
Anyway, since getting the book, I really feel like I get Deepak like I didn’t before, and writing so far has been really phenomenal. So phenomenal that I wanted to share some of it with you. We’ve just completed a chapter that I really think shows our poop theory, and since a couple of our members have children about to hit that one year mark, I figured it’d be a great time to share this invaluable resource. Deepak is totally cool with it. All I had to do was say, “Hey Chopsey!” (you can’t call him that by the way, only I can. It’s a special benefit to the writer/ghostwriter relationship.) “Chopsey! You mind if I share this chapter with the NYC Skeptics community?” His response? “Go for it, Q!” He really is a giver.
Without further ado (oh! I’m so nervous!) I proudly present an excerpt from Deepak Chopra’s new book for kids, You Are Poop. Enjoy!
Chapter 1
You are poop. It’s quantum. You’re poop! Quantum mechanics proves it!
Wasn’t he great, folks? Another hand for Deepak Chopra.
you guys should really think about how your tone affects status. I think this is a good group, but you won’t convince anybody by making fun of ‘the enemy.’ How about adopting a more intellectual focus?
“Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions.”
— Thomas Jefferson
And years of experience actually dissuading people from unintelligible claims, I’m inclined to agree with Mr. Jefferson.
You’re not going to convince anyone like this. Ridicule will only push away fence sitters that you could otherwise attract through high status posts.