Facepalmology – natural healing they don’t want you to know about

WHAT IS FACEPALMOLOGY?

Facepalmology is a method of encouraging the body to promote natural healing and to improve functioning. This is done by applying blunt pressure or electrical stimulation at very precise points on the forehead region.

It is based on the law of humours and the science of Phrenology, which was first formulated by the renowned German German physician Franz Joseph Gall in 1796. A precise facepalmic treatment of a natural bludgeoning, which would normally cause symptoms (such as a concussion or disorientation) in a healthy person, when applied to a sick person in a specific location on the forehead correlated to the symptoms, will effect a recovery.

HOW DOES FACEPALMOLOGY WORK? … continue reading this entry.

Hey! Placebo Acupuncture Worked Again!

So this will help my crippling wallet problems?

"So this will help my crippling wallet problems?

Believe it or not, a study has shown that acupuncture doesn’t help a woman get pregnant through in-vitro fertilization (IVF).  I was shocked to.  I was certain that, even if there was no prior plausibility for acupuncture working, since it’s based on a human life-force energy called “Qi” which has never been measured, or even defined, still there MUST be something to acupuncture, since it’s been used for thousands of years in China.  I’m horribly shocked.  If you could hear my voice, you’d hear just how shocked I am right now. … continue reading this entry.

What could make acupuncture better? LASERS!

Sure, hes great for hanging out, but do you want George taking out your appendix?

Sure, he's great for hanging out, but do you want George taking out your appendix?

I saw a press release this morning for “Acupuncture without needles” coming out of a Canadian Acupuncture clinic.  My initial thought was, “Well that should work just as well,” but after doing a little research on the idea, I’m not sure if I should consider it to be better than people practicing traditional acupuncture, or worse.

As usual, let’s start with our terms.  For those three of you out there who don’t know, Acupuncture is a part of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) based on the idea of a human energy called Qi (pronounced either Key or Chi, depending on how much Anime you watch). The idea in acupuncture is that this Qi travels throughout the ley lines of your body (pseudo geology influencing pseudo medicine…), but that it can occasionally get blocked, leading to pain.  Acupuncturists claim that by poking at various parts of your body with very thin needles, they can release the blockages of Qi, allowing it to flow naturally. In other words, Acupuncture is another form of Vitalism. This particular kind of acupuncture seems to be growing in Canada.  What they’re doing is replacing the needles with “Low Level Laser Therapy” targeted at acupuncture points.  And in case you were wondering, no, the ancient Chinese didn’t happen to have access to ancient lasers. … continue reading this entry.

New Study Shows Acupuncture Good for Headaches, When Combined with Aspirin

How will this picture effect you?

How will this picture effect you?

NEW YORK, NY.  The world of science was rocked today as another study showing the efficacy of traditional Chinese medicine was published.  In a startling study published today in the National Journal of Woowadoo, Scientists from New York University have shown that, acupuncture, when combined with a mild pain reliever, may have a strong impact upon headaches.  “We’ve seen for a long time that acupuncture can have an impact upon pain,” said Dr. Don Samuels, head researcher on the team.  “Along with that recent study showing how acupuncture can help curb anxiety in dental offices, I don’t see how anyone can look at this stuff any differently!  This is just one more nail in the coffin for allopathic medicine.”

The mean level of headache amongst twenty patients was a 21 out of  a possible 28 on the “Ouchie” scale.  Patients given the combination of acupuncture and aspirin managed to drop an average of 13 ouchies, in comparison with patients treated with chocolate, who seemed to only drop around three ouchies each.  The findings have suggested that acupuncture could be used to fight headaches, as long as used alongside two regular aspirin pills. … continue reading this entry.

Phoenix School Gives Away Magic… FOR FREE!

Good news to all the homeless in Arizona.  Apparently, poking needles into your ears will in fact help warm you up!  WAHOO!!

It seems that the Phoenix Institute of Herbal Medicine and Acupuncture College & Clinic, Phoenix’s only accredited acupuncture school, has decided to help the homeless with a new free clinic designed to help deal with problems ranging from “cold” to addiction.  It seems that their treatments help people exposed to really cold conditions, and the real miracle is that in the summer, the PIHMA can help people who are too hot too! … continue reading this entry.

Jake's Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, there was the Magical Post of Acupuncture.  And the Magical Post of Acupuncture was set far beyond Plausibility land, because the Magical Post of Acupuncture was set in the land of “We will cure any ills”, a land reserved for the most beautiful and implausible of things.

And then one day, the Magical Post of Acupuncture was tied to Bungee Chords from the Realm of Reality!  And that day, the magical implausible people of the land of make believe waved goodbye as the Magical Post of Acupuncture was drawn into the land of “Health Supplement”.  The magical land of health supplement was special because nothing had to have any real effect.  Since no one made any claims that could be tested in the Realm of Reality, the power’s held by the super-special Bungee Chords from the Realm of Reality would have no more pulling strength, because they could only pull on tangible things, and no tangible things existed in the land of Supplement. … continue reading this entry.

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